I am an idiot

We had Chinese take out last night. Eric got some crab rangoon and I ate two of them. They're full of cream cheese, which is dairy. Neither of us even thought of it. It just totally slipped our minds. Needless to say, today McScreamy didn't have the best day. She was really starting to do better too. Thursday was the best day she'd had since the day after she was born.

Some days this just gets really old.

Have I mentioned that it makes me irrationally upset, angry, and insanely jealous when we're at the store and I see babies happily sitting in their infant carriers or even :gasp: sleeping in them?

Our arsenal, part deux

This post will be solely dedicated to the over the counter "cures" we have tried.

One of the very first things we were told to try with her was mylicon drops. We were instructed to give them to her before she nursed. We could hear the gas in her tummy and they seemed to help with that, but not so much with the crying. We go in spurts on how much we use them now. Sometimes a few times a day and sometimes not at all. If she's going to be getting a bottle, we definitely use them then since babies take in more air from a bottle than the breast.

Eric ordered Colic Calm late one evening when we were literally feeling at our wit's end. It wasn't cheap, but we didn't care. We were desperate. When it arrived, I was a little disturbed to see that it was black (from the vegetable carbon). I gave her a dose of it, then she drooled black and spit up black, staining her outfit and the burp rag. It was a particularly bad night and I didn't seem to notice a difference. Baby didn't magically fall asleep as the product suggested she might. I never tried it again.

While we were waiting on the Colic Calm, Eric went to Babies R Us and purchased Little Remedies Gripe Water. The night we gave her the first dose, she fell asleep on Eric's chest. The next day, she actually slept in the car and stayed sleeping in her carseat when I stopped at Starbucks to visit with a friend. We thought the stuff was amazing. Another day or two passed and it quit working.

When Kelton was younger and cutting a tooth, I always gave him Hyland's Teething Tabs. They were a great homeopathic way to help soothe and calm him. So when we were at Green Acres and I saw that Hyland's made Colic Tabs too, I bought them right away, forgetting that they have lactose in them. Since we're pretty sure she has trouble tolerating dairy, I decided not to try them.

The latest product I have tried is Gentle Naturals Tummy Soother. I gave it to her a couple evenings last week when she's usually at her worst and like everything else, it's no miracle cure, but it did seem to help her chill a little so that we got through dinner with minimal screaming.

Look forward to part three this evening or tomorrow...

our arsenal

I thought it'd be helpful for others who might be dealing with similiar to see what all we've tried to help Katie. I'm going to write a bit about them, what we thought of each and whether or not it worked for us.

One of the first things we got was Harvey Karp's The Happiest Baby on the Block. This man is like a baby whisperer. It is absolutely amazing how quickly and easily he gets babies to stop crying. He covers the 5 S's. While this wasn't an all out cure, there are definite aspects that helped and continue to help.

One of our problems was the fact that Katie apparently was a little incredible hulk. She could break out of a swaddle like you wouldn't believe. We purchased some of these. They are quick and easy to use, but they don't swaddle the legs tight. She is also able to manage to get an arm out of it sometimes. What we found most effective is the double swaddle. The are several slight variations on how to accomplish this, but the basic idea is to pin their arms down with the first blanket and then regular swaddle with the second. She has now been breaking out of this because she is getting bigger and we need larger blankets. Swaddling has been one of our most powerful tools. She still sleeps swaddled, although I look forward to the day when she'll sleep without it.

to be continued..

The sun will shine again

Most nights I fall asleep thanking God for the few quiet moments we had during the day and praying for a decent stretch of sleep that night.

When a storm rolls through your life, it can often dampen every aspect, making it hard to see the good and we have so much good in our lives. The crying isn't going to last forever and when the storm is over, we'll marvel at the beautiful rainbow.

I'm holding my breath

Yesterday wasn't terrible and so far today, I dare say has been pleasant. (It is only 10am though.)

Perhaps this blog will morph into our daily ins and outs rather than all about Katie O'Screamy much sooner than expected.

A little back story on Miss Screams a Lot:

After she was born, I could tell in the hospital that she was going to be a bit clingy. We came home and she was definitely more demanding than Kelton had been and nursed much more often. By the time she was 6wks, both Eric and I had been in tears and she was sleeping no more than 20min a stretch.

We visited her pediatrician, who thought she was probably having a growth spurt and lots of gas. She had gained like a pound in 10 days from nursing nearly 24/7. He gave me some formula samples, (because artificial crap that's harder to digest was going to be a miracle cure.) Obviously, we didn't use it.

We learned to double swaddle, used lots of mylicon and tried some gripe water and got a few days relief before it was back to hell on earth again. She literally could not and would not sleep on her back and acted in pain when burping, so we decided to try Zantac. We definitely noticed results. She immediately quit nursing 24/7 because she no longer needed the constant milk flow to soothe the acid in her throat. It was about that time I started to eliminate dairy from my diet as well. As a trial, I drank a frappe, which resulted in lots of screaming and much spitting up, so we knew that dairy was out of the question for me.

Before long, the Zantac seemed to start losing effectiveness, so we increased the dose and her ped also prescribed reglan. We were hesitant to give both meds and the increase in Zantac alone was making a difference, so we decided to wait on the Reglan. A few weeks go by and we started regressing again. We decided try the Reglan, which made a difference at first. She was for sure spitting less, but was seeming to scream more during her awake periods.

We have now discontinued the Reglan. We're still using the zantac and have started the mylicon quite liberally again.

I am very hopeful that as her system matures in the next few months, we'll no longer need the meds and I'll be able to eat dairy again also.

Only one week left

Exactly a week from today, I will be back at work. If it wasn't for Katie being such a difficult baby, I'd actually be looking forward to it because I really do enjoy my job. Instead, the thought of her crying all day in a swing, bouncy or pack n play makes me want to vomit. She does not "cry it out" (which I find inhumane anyway). She will literally be crying all day and there's nothing I can do about it.

Kelton has always behaved better at daycare than at home. When he wouldn't eat a damn thing at home, he was eating whatever she put in front of him at daycare. I'm hoping and praying that Katie be the same way. Maybe she'll do much better at daycare.

She's 3mo now and most everything you read suggests colic starts to get better at 3mo. Right now though, she seems worse. I'm crossing my fingers that she's just having a growth spurt.

I want a happy cuddly baby.

Shhhh, listen...

Silence.

My dear sweet husband is running an errand with both children so Mommy could have some peace and quiet.

It was a particularly rough night with both of them. He was up helping too and is still giving me a break.

I love him.

WOOSH!!! What was that?

My sanity flying out the window.

Adventures in milk substitutes

Awhile back I made the decision to eliminate major sources of dairy from my diet as little Katie doesn't seem to tolerate it very well when I consume milk, yogurt or ice cream. After eating these things, lots of gas, screaming and spit up ensues, which does not a happy home make. Yes, I know she's not great even thought I'm not eating dairy, but trust me, it's much worse when I do.

The most obvious and common alternative, soy milk. It comes in many brands and several different flavors, but even the plain has a sweet taste. I personally find no taste difference among brands and have been moderately satisfied with the light vanilla flavor. One morning we were out of regular milk, so I poured Kelton some soy milk. He took a sip, looked up at me, slightly confused and said, "Mommy, what is this drink?" I told him it was soy milk and it's really yummy (the power of suggestion works wonders on this child). He readily agreed and now I can't keep the little mooch out of my milk.

Soy yogurt is nasty, nasty. It literally made me gag. Oh it was bad. Soy ice cream isn't quite the same, but it'll do until I can have the real stuff again.

Next we have rice milk. It doesn't have the sweet flavor of the soy, but adding water to my cereal and coffee would be much cheaper and basically taste the same. I'm going to give it another go though. Maybe it needs to be shaken really hard and colder. There is also rice ice cream that I'm looking forward to trying

Moving on to almond milk. It's not terrible, still not something I would chug an ice cold glass of after eating a plate of brownies. I've used it to cook with and the unsweetened one works nicely.

Did you know you can buy oat milk?

Yep and it's gagalicious. Not only does it look gross, it tastes pretty gross too. It has a funny aftertaste or something and makes my mouth feel furry. It's almost tolerable when used to make a green tea latte.

Definitely most humored and suprised by the hemp milk.

I have yet to try this. I can't imagine that it will be the ultimate milk alternative, so I'm not sure if I'll be trying this one or not.

It's not so much about me.

What bothers me more than anything is how all of this effects the two main guys in my life, Eric and Kelton.

Kelton is the sweetest boy and loves his baby sister more than anything. He sings to her, plays with her and wants to help in anyway he possibly can. It breaks my heart that I'm unable to have the quality time with him that we used to have. I hate that when she doesn't cry for 30min, he's super excited, "Wow, Mommy, Katie isn't crying." It sucks that we're unable to go places and do things like before because, well, Katie crys all the damn time. And worst of all, how it worries him to see Mommy crying because of it all.

Eric unknowingly became a father 1/23/04 when Kelton was born. When we started dating in the fall of 2005 everything just fit into place. He's always been great with Kelton and I'll never forget how excited he was when we found out we were going to have a baby. Since Kelton was older when Eric came around, this has been his first experience as a father to a baby and while he loves her to pieces, I just hate that he knows nothing else than a baby that crys nonstop. It's not supposed to be like this.

Some days...

Some days all I can think about is how I want a normal baby, that this must be a punishment for something we did terribly wrong and how massively unfair it feels.

I want her to take a pacifier, be content while not being held for more than a few seconds, to not fight her sleep so badly that when she falls asleep at the breast, she stretches my nipple out to epic proportions, rips off and screams. I dream of the day when she'll sleep unswaddled.

I want to be able to take her out in public without everyone staring at me like I'm some sort of awful parent because I can't make my baby stop crying.

I want her to be happy because then maybe I could be happy too.

Sprinkle all of that with raging guilt because she is healthy and beautiful. I just want her to stop crying.